The three month waiting period before you can officially announce to the world that you’re knocked up feels like an eternity. Here’s a short list of things I was dying to share with the world at the time, but couldn’t.

1. I didn’t get morning sickness. I got morning, noon and night sickness. They told me that in order to keep nausea at bay I have to eat. But eating was the last thing I wanted to do. Every morning I forced a dry biscuit down in order to stop myself from throwing up on the train.

2. I was even more emotional than I am normally. I used to cry at commercials for tissues. The other day I found myself blubbering when I saw Michelle Obama give Laura Bush a gift at Obama’s inauguration. At the end of Gran Torino, I was crying so much that I went through two large face towel napkins.

3. My knockers were, and still are, unbelievably huge. I could seriously do an injury to myself. They seem to have a life of their own and get mighty pissed off if I disturb them in any way.

4. I’m getting fat at an alarming rate, and I’m not allowed to do any exercise.

5 .When I hit the 3pm wall at work, I crashed right through to another wall made of some impenetrable material and remained stuck there like an exhausted splat of a human being.

6. Every indiscretion got blamed on my pregnant state. My boys created cruel nick names for me like “Project P” and “MS” (Mother Ship), and would roll their eyes knowingly if I raised my voice even slightly.

Ah… it feels good to complain!